This is a topic that I believe this to be both very serious has been completely misrepresented. The relationship of African-American males and females, both successful and unsuccessful in no way should be taken lightly. It is said that the strength of a nation is reflected by the family structure, if that is true then we as a nation are frail.

While researching this topic a few days ago, I came across some rather disturbing statistics reported by the National Center of Health Statistics. It was stated that in the year 2010 the amount of babies born to African-Americans out of wedlock grew to 76%. This is DEVASTATING!!! Some might ask why this is devastating considering that the modern consideration of an acceptable family structure has become that of a single parent household. Biblically speaking, it is stated that, “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand” (Matthew 12:25). We as a people have been divided since our arrival to the colony of Jamestown, Virginia some 395 years ago.

Let’s look at the destruction of the black family from a historical viewpoint. The problems successful/unsuccessful African-American women and men have in relationships are far deeper than what is displayed on the surface. On the surface we would contribute our atrocities to the very presence of the fatherless homes, the misogynist lyrics found in much of our music, the physical/verbal/sexual abuse that is displayed in many of these relationships, high infidelity rate and so on and so forth.

On the contrary the problems that are plaguing African-American relationships are much deeper. The current state of the average African-American relationship has been carefully planned and designed some 300 years ago. On the 25th day of December, 1712 the famous slave-owner Willie Lynch delivered both a speech and a plan that would cause havoc and chaos within the relationships of black men and women for at least 300 years if implemented correctly for at least one year.

The very detrimental teachings of Willie Lynch (as laid out in the Willie Lynch Letter and The Making of a Slave) equipped slave-owners with various methods to change the natural order of both the Black male and female. The most important part of his teaching was how to destroy the image of the Black Man. This still seems to be our greatest problem today as neither the Black male nor the Black female has an idea of who the Black Male really is. The image of the black male was intentionally destroyed so that the black family would end up in everlasting ruin.

By nature the male is suppose to protect, provide and give direction. Through the dehumanization of the black male and the destruction of the black male image the black woman and child have gone unprotected, not provided for (by the black male) and left without direction. Understanding that the man’s primary role is to protect, so often our young black women are drawn to a false sense of protection and tends to gravitates towards a more destructive image of the black male. This image is what we are so often bombarded with through the mainstream media. An image of violence and aggression along with an attitude of apathy is frequently transferred from our television screens and through the speakers of our radios to our young black males across America.

This is played out to our youth that are searching for identity and acceptance and to our young black females who are in search of their male counterparts. Through the distortion of the Black Male image a great sense of falsehood has infiltrated our communities. Although there is much speculation to the authenticity of the document, the fact remains that it was written by someone and which I believe accurately portrays a mindset that ran prevalent then and still runs prevalent in our society today.

It is not enough to address the destruction of the black male without looking at the reverse nature of the black female. Through Willie Lynch’s teachings, and the teachings of many other slave-owners, the black woman had to be converted from her natural state as well. Through the torture and torment that the black male had to suffer while getting their image destroyed, Black women and children had to watch in shame and fear. In doing this it was taught that Black women would, in her unnatural state convert over to a psychological frozen state in which the Black woman would become independent of the Black man.

The most important thing regarding the conversion of the Black woman was the control that the slave masters would possess over her in bringing up her offspring. The Black woman through fear was taught to bring up her children in reversal roles teaching the male child to be dependent, mentally weak and physically strong and teaching the female child to be independent like her in her psychological frozen state. Therefore you now have a complete role-reversal which has undermined the Black family unit ever since.

Marriage is a very important institution and it is a necessary part in sustaining a nation or a people. In order for African-American men or women (successful or unsuccessful) to have a successful healthy relationship we must first convert back to our natural God-given roles. The Black man has to be seen by the Black woman as the provider and the protector and the Black woman must be regarded as the most valuable asset to the Black Man. In converting back to our natural roles that God had intended both the Black male and female will be able to provide healthy attributes to the relationship and in turn instill solid values into their children.

So you ask why is it hard for a successful African-American woman to find a man. While there are so many surface answers we can point out we must take a look at this problem through a sharper lens. In order to create a people that can dwell together with one another in harmony we must redirect our teachings to our youth by putting a greater emphasis on marriage, parenting and community. We must teach our boys and girls their God-given roles at a young age. We must teach our boys how to become creative thinkers and how to solve problems without the use of violence. We must teach them how to become mentally strong for it far outweighs being physically strong. We must teach them to how to be independent and how to be gentlemen starting at a young age. We must teach our girls how to choose a strong man with great values. We must teach them how to be independent out of wedlock and the value of being dependent in wedlock (dependent simply means to rely on another for support). In doing so, we will raise a generation of young African-Americans that will truly value marriage, family and self.

If you are experiencing trouble in your relationship, you owe it to yourself to read this: